Caring about students prevents behavior problems

One of the things I regulary talk about with teachers is how important it is to maintain a good relationship with each student. More specifically, teachers need to make sure every student in class think that the teacher likes him or her. I specifically chose the word thinks in the previous sentence because we as educators are human. It is inevitable there will be students in your classes that rub you the wrong way and that your personalities just don't mesh well. However, it is still the teacher's responsibility to make sure every student believe they are liked. Moreover, author and speaker Todd Whitaker says, "In the great teacher's classroom, every student feels like they are the favorite."

I don't know how many times I have dealt with a student discipline issue, and the students says, "Well, she just doesn't like me." Then the student points to other students in the class who have done the same thing and haven't been punished. Making the student believe they are liked will help eliminate, or at least limit, this type of thinking. Now, the critic might argue that my advice is asking people to be sincere. My response: It is your job to make student's believe they are liked. And moreover, what kind of results will you get with students who believe you do not like them?

By the way, classroom management expert Marvin Marshall has a great website with more information about establishing a caring, positive system for motivating students to exhibit positive choices in the classroom.

Meet them at the door

One of the best strategies for dealing with discipline problems in the classroom to prevent them in the first place. A great way to prevent problems is to invest in building appropriate relationships with your students. Be in the hallway between classes and before school. Sit down in the school cafeteria and eat lunch with your students from time to time. And, of course, meet them at the door. When they arrive for class, greet them with a smile. Talk to a student about something totally unrelated to your class that interests him or her. When a student has a problem, ask this question, "How can I help you?" Make the investment of your time up front and save the need to correct negative behaviors later.

Don't do this, don't do that

Consider the lyrics of the famous rock band, Pink Floyd:

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

"Wrong, Do it again!""If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding.
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"

I find it a bit amusing that as a veteran educator currently working on a doctorate in educational leadership, I still have this song downloaded on my computer from iTunes. After all, it does seem contrary to my value system. I'm sure my students would find it really amusing and probably be unable to hide their disbelief that a school principal could listen to such sacrilege.

But, perhaps there is something to be learned from the famous British rock band. I can't help but find the teachable moment here. The truth is that many individuals have gone through school and had BAD experiences with education. Experiences that have made them feel controlled, looked down upon, and unsuccessful. How else would the song resonate with so many if there was not an audience who shared this experience?

As a principal, my goal is to help students not feel the way the persona feels in the PF song. All of us have the inherent need to feel free, valued, and successful. When educators or parents are constantly saying don't, stop, you can't, and other negative phrases, it wears on a kid's sense of autonomy and freedom. Granted, all kids need limits. Don't think I'm not for saying no or being firm. However, I think instead of saying things in a negative way, we can usually teach and guide without the negativity. I'll discuss some of my ideas on how to do this in my next post.

For now, I'm going to listen to some more Pink Floyd and then maybe some Def Leppard. My students probably think I listen to classical music all the time????

Stop bullies in their tracks

Bully
Originally uploaded by xmasons

We all know how it feels to be bullied, some of us more than others. As a child, I was often the target of bullies, especially in the middle school years. As a youngster, I thought I was bullied because I was overweight, didn't wear the right clothes, and didn't have the right friends. While that was partly true, I think the biggest reason I was bullied was that I hadn't developed the social skills to stop bullies in their tracks. Unfortunately, some students never learn to deal with difficult people, and they continue to be a doormat throughout adulthood.

When I deal with students at school who are the victims of bullying they often have received bad advice about how to address their problems with this issue. Often they are told to "just ignore" the bullying and it will go away. Or, they are told to "punch the bully" in the nose and that will teach him or her a lesson. When students try this approach, it may help lessen the bullying for a time, but it will not solve the ongoing problem. Moreover, if the victim decides to take matters into his own hands and physically fight back, it will probably result in a suspension or other disciplinary action.

So, what is a bullied child to do? How can you help a student stop a bully in his tracks?

1. It all starts with ATTITUDE. The victim must let the bully know that he or she does not need the bully's approval. This attitude in itself is very powerful anti-bully armor. Unfortunately, many victims desperately need approval from peers so it is very difficult for them to get past this one. I try to help my students understand that they don't need the bully or anyone else to be the best they can be and to be proud of who they are.

2. Give SHORT RESPONSES. When attacked verbally by a bully, the victim should only give short responses. It doesn't work to explain things to a bully. They don't listen anyway. Often, a victim tries to explain or defend themselves logically to the bully because, guess what, they want the bullies approval. See #1!!!! The victim has to remember rule #1 and think: I don't have to explain myself or defend my actions or appearance to this person. I don't need his or her approval.

3. LOOK THE BULLY IN THE EYES, pull the shoulders back, and tell them how you feel. Body language is very important communication. It communicates that the victim will not tolerate the abuse.

We don't argue

I believe it is very important NOT to argue with students. However, they can be very good at engaging teachers into arguments about just about everything. Here is some good advice someone once gave me about not arguing with your students. Just don't do it!

Let's say you catch a student cheating on a test and you call them on it. They say they weren't cheating (even though you caught them red-handed). You tell them you will have to give them a zero on the assignment, or whatever your normal discipline would be. They want to argue about it? Don't fall for it. Just repeat your observations, tell the student you will not argue, and move on.

"Johnny, I observed you looking off of Amanda's paper and your answers are all the same. I'm sorry you made this choice, but you will receive a zero on the quiz, and I will have to call your parents."

"I was not cheating," says the student. "I was looking over that way because the sun was shining through the window in my eyes. You are always picking on me. Suzy cheats all the time."

"Johnny, I clearly saw you looking off of Amanda's paper. I will have to give you a zero. I'm not going to argue with you about this. If you wish to discuss this further, see me after class."