Stop bullies in their tracks

Bully
Originally uploaded by xmasons

We all know how it feels to be bullied, some of us more than others. As a child, I was often the target of bullies, especially in the middle school years. As a youngster, I thought I was bullied because I was overweight, didn't wear the right clothes, and didn't have the right friends. While that was partly true, I think the biggest reason I was bullied was that I hadn't developed the social skills to stop bullies in their tracks. Unfortunately, some students never learn to deal with difficult people, and they continue to be a doormat throughout adulthood.

When I deal with students at school who are the victims of bullying they often have received bad advice about how to address their problems with this issue. Often they are told to "just ignore" the bullying and it will go away. Or, they are told to "punch the bully" in the nose and that will teach him or her a lesson. When students try this approach, it may help lessen the bullying for a time, but it will not solve the ongoing problem. Moreover, if the victim decides to take matters into his own hands and physically fight back, it will probably result in a suspension or other disciplinary action.

So, what is a bullied child to do? How can you help a student stop a bully in his tracks?

1. It all starts with ATTITUDE. The victim must let the bully know that he or she does not need the bully's approval. This attitude in itself is very powerful anti-bully armor. Unfortunately, many victims desperately need approval from peers so it is very difficult for them to get past this one. I try to help my students understand that they don't need the bully or anyone else to be the best they can be and to be proud of who they are.

2. Give SHORT RESPONSES. When attacked verbally by a bully, the victim should only give short responses. It doesn't work to explain things to a bully. They don't listen anyway. Often, a victim tries to explain or defend themselves logically to the bully because, guess what, they want the bullies approval. See #1!!!! The victim has to remember rule #1 and think: I don't have to explain myself or defend my actions or appearance to this person. I don't need his or her approval.

3. LOOK THE BULLY IN THE EYES, pull the shoulders back, and tell them how you feel. Body language is very important communication. It communicates that the victim will not tolerate the abuse.